It took me a long time to realise that I was being abused by my ex-partner.


Eventually, of course, it sank in that physical violence wasn’t the norm. But it still took space, time and plenty of therapy before I gradually began to realise that his behaviour had gone deeper than making me feel physically unsafe.


I'd spent two years with my ex constantly on edge, terrified of setting off his childish fits of rage, though the violence was only a factor for the last ten months. And while it was the violence that led me to eventually end the relationship, I now realise I had been abused for far longer – emotionally and psychologically.


An unexpected twist, though, was that although I should have had far less money after he moved out, leaving me alone in a flat designed for two, I actually had more money. And as I dug into my finances to try and understand, I began to gain a new perspective on my old relationship – I had been financially abused too.


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